Why Google Glass sex apps leave the web feeling dirty
26th Jan 2014 | 11:01
You can't spell Google Glass without 'ogle ass'
As if Google Glass wearers didn't love themselves enough already, news broke this week of a forthcoming app for Glass that lets owners of the wearable tech watch themselves having sex (or doing non-sex tasks) from alternative angles.
The Sex with Google Glass app relays imagery from other perspectives to Google Glass, letting sex-doing pairs of owners of the posh specs watch themselves as if they were the stars of their own reality TV show. Or, if they're using it in the bedroom, it could give the wearer a terrifying look at the grim faces and expressions a partner sees while they're fiddling and grinding away.
The arrival of the latest headline-grabbing Glass sex app spawned mass mockery online, with many commenters opting for the easy comedy angle of expressing surprise that Glass wearers might ever get any action at all, let alone with someone who consents to having it filmed.
Over on the predictably politically incorrect car-crash Daily Mail comment thread about the issue, user Franz has us puzzling about what positions he favours, asking: "Why would I want to see my own back?" Presumably he's suggesting he... oh wait. We get it. Never mind.
The very next comment summed up the many jokes people attempted around the issue, with reader TT Touretti offering: "I would like to see myself having sex, but chance would be a fine thing." Er, we pity the fool who has never heard of a mirror, Mr TT.
And quite possibly the most depressing comment we've yet featured on Inflame was offered by charming ladies' man Joseph McHugh from Nottingham, who really shouldn't have said this on the internet under his real name and location: "They'd have been better off designing an app that lets me see a decent bird instead of my pig wife."
Welcome to 1974, Joseph.
There was a bit more common sense on display over at the Guardian, where traditional British reserve was summarised by Dappertutto. He said: "I could think of nothing I'd rather see less while having sex than myself having sex."
In response, Anairbagsavedmylife made us literally do a minor LOL, suggesting: "It doesn't exactly flatter your partner either... 'Do you mind if I just...'". Er, watch myself doing some awesome sex procedures?
Baggins45 then pointed out that it's an app that's probably best only launched in the US, where people tend to have higher opinions of themselves, asking: "Does it involve infra-red cameras? Because in the UK we have sex in the dark." Literally and metaphorically.
The first inevitable mention of the NSA was spotted over at PC Mag, where commenter Uncle Spam jested: "As if Google doesn't have enough of our personal info already. I Guess the NSA needs some laugh material as well." It might be funny when you do it, Uncle. We do it serious style over here.
Over on The Verge, the masturbation-themed humour emerged. Reader Tikigawd suggested a way of enjoying the same sort of sex-action the Glass app provides on the cheap, saying: "You can always just slap a GoPro around your wrist."
A little further down, reader Incredibillistic imagined that the app might actually be used, although in a more realistic manner: "I think the worst part about Glass is she could be calling up tweets or Facebook posts while screaming Meg Ryan-style. Unless the overlays come up on playback you'd never know."
Meanwhile, on Gizmodo, commenter Ivan256 had a couple of suggestions about how augmented reality could also be introduced into the mix too, suggesting: "Killer app: make your partner look like somebody else. While they're at it, make them look like somebody else who isn't wearing Google Glass."
To which Redman042 responded: "More realistic for most of the guys here: make your pillow look like a woman."