9 best Android apps for slacking off
4th Apr 2013 | 07:00
These apps let you be as inefficient as you want
Your Android phone lets you be super efficient when you need to be. But let's be honest: nobody really likes being efficient and the world isn't designed for it.
Luckily, these apps let you be as inefficient as you want when you're alone on a Saturday night, when you're waiting in line at the bank or when you're sitting at work afraid to be noticed.
So you have some time and you could be stockpiling things to give to the local charity. But that just sounds boring. So you whip out your phone and instantly get issued a bunch of shiny little tiles you're supposed to then get rid of. Do you get rid of them by turning off the game and getting a life? Heck no! You get rid of them by turning your phone into a colorful cage match of laying tiles and trying to beat people instead of helping them. Keep hoarding in real life, but get rid of those virtual tiles!
2. Flight Control
So you've overdrawn your account twice this month and your significant other doesn't think you're all that significant anymore? Great! You're perfect to keep airplanes from crashing into one another and have them land safely on the runway. Forget mastering the direction your own life is going. Just keep practicing until you can stop having to tell little Timmy that his parents won't be coming back from the Bahamas.
3. Words With Friends
Scrabble, what's that? This is the completely new, modern and never-been-done-before competitive game where you receive random letters and assemble them into words in order to prove your verbal supremacy over other people. Who needs to write a novel or a report? You have to prove to people you'll probably never meet that your ability to match words on a screen with words in your online thesaurus is better than theirs is. You've got to keep your priorities in order, after all.
4. Draw Something
If you've ever been drawn into a game of Pictionary, you know what it's like to stand there and draw a thing that someone has to guess. While some people are better artists than others, it's a phone. Almost everyone is terrible at it. But if you're sitting there listening to your boring boss give a boring speech about that boring company that keeps you alive, just get really careful with your stick figure interpretations of the world and pretend that wind bag doesn't exist. That's probably what he does when it's your turn to talk.
5. Temple Run 2
Have you ever dreamed of being Indiana Jones? Well, all you have to do is learn a dozen languages, travel all over the world repeatedly risking your life and seduce women who may or may not try to kill you, all on a college professor's salary. Or you could just download Temple Run 2 and try to do one of those three things. Unless something kills you, you can get a high score that will make you the envy of... absolutely no one. Because it isn't real, it never was and you're wasting the precious gift of life. You're a stud in your own mind, though.
6. Angry Birds
Yes, what would a list be without Angry Birds? Angry Birds has claimed more people's lives than Rambo, and for good reason. What could be more interesting or useful to do with your day than try to chuck birds at smelly green critters that literally live in glass houses? Why, with an app like this, who says you need to go feed your real birds, or listen to actual birds singing as you take a walk through nature? Indeed, Angry Birds may have rendered the entirety of the natural world obsolete in one fell, uh, swoop. So just chuck some birds and get your mean on, you wannabe Hulk.
7. Family Feud
Going on Family Feud is a dream that most people are never going to see fulfilled. After all, you need to have a family who can stand to be in the same room together and actually interact with one another. You have to have knowledge and charisma and luck... and probably other things you most likely don't have. But hey, you have a smart phone, and that's the only thing that really matters. So take a few minutes to run through trivia questions you've probably never considered before but may have been surveyed on at some point. You could win... nothing and nothing?
8. Jetpack Joyride
Jetpack Joyride is a game where you can avoid the life where you seem to be going nowhere and instead live the kind of life where you constantly go to the right, up and down. While it's far from socially acceptable to go around blasting people, in this game you can always pretend that you're shooting flames and other armaments at the most irritating people you know. Just don't be a moron and tell them you're doing that when you later see them in real life.
Or if you do tell them, try to make a joke out of it, the same way you're making a joke out of the time you should be doing something constructive.
There is just something about a zenlike game like Tetris that stops time for the person playing it and makes that same time speed up for everyone else. Priorities and goals melt beneath the synthetic gravity that affects these colorful tiles. That's why you feel like you've been playing "for a minute" and suddenly your kids are a few inches taller, you've gotten your termination package from your job and your spouse called to ask if you've signed the divorce papers. When you're playing Tetris, everything and everybody else in your life learns how unimportant they really are.
Nowadays you can accomplish almost everything with supreme efficiency. With the above set of apps on your phone, you can kill time like the Terminator on ice.